June 15, 2009

God, Worry, and Commitment

Ok, so I am back and better than ever. Whereas yesterday I was down in the dumps, ready to cry, and kind of depressed, it turned around today. Ok so all day I worked in my house. I ironed, dusted, swept, changed sheets, hung up clothes, etc. You get the idea. I did the housewife thing. I worked all day minus the hour and a half I watched my soap, The Young and The Restless, and I Love Lucy. Even during the episodes of I Love Lucy, (she kills me), I accomplished a registration I needed to take care of online.

Ok moving on past the shows. I worked and worked to take my mind off my troubles. My troubles (which I won't go into because even though they are a big deal, I have given them to God now and so I am not going to worry myself to death) were weighing heavily on my mind. I was just plain good and old fashioned mad. My pride was injured and I was mad. Not a good combo. So I worked because that is the best way to get rid of negativity. It didn't help. I was still depressive (is that a word?). To explain how bad it was, my mother called wanting to know what we would have for supper, and I was just blah. I didn't care. No food interested me, which is highly unusual as I LOVE food. I LOVE to eat, as is evident by the fact that I maintain rather than lose weight.

I went to dinner, came home, mopey and tired. I looked on my coffee table and saw the book I started last Friday, after the trouble began. I decided to finish it, and even though I was all but almost through with it, I found the last part just spoke to me. The whole book (It's All About Him by Denise Jackson) was about Alan Jackson's wifes quest to have a closer relationship with God and the trials she faced in her marriage. God took those trials and made the negative into a positive. I was so inspired that I just cried. (Ok I'm a crier so that's no big thang, but still) Because at the end, one of the last chapters which is entitled Drive, she tells how she finally begged Jesus to take the wheel of her life. How when she was so low because her marriage was in shambles, she cried out for him to be in complete control. How she had had the Lord in her life, but that she always wanted to be holding the wheel so she had some control. I just cried, because folks that is me!

I am such a little control nut. I admit it freely. I cannot stand to not have some semblance of control in my life. From finances, to cooking, to always having to drive the car, etc. I always want to have some control. I know a lot of people are like this, but sometimes, I am just desperate for control. It drives me crazy with worry to not know what is going to happen. I realized that this is a HUGE GENETIC ISSUE IN MY FAMILY. Us women in this family are like that. My mother is a huge worrier, and my grandmother is the grande dame of worrywarts. Now I like to think that the worry gene has decreased through the generations, but I am not so sure.

At any rate, I digress. I am a worrier, but today I just gave it to God and said you know what, I cannot worry about this and be upset about it, because if I do, I will be crazier than I already am. LOL. I am recommitted to improving my spiritual life. I am recommitted to God and my relationship with him. I LOVE God and I know that I need him to be in control. I can't do it all and even if I could it would only be because he gave me the strength to do it all. I am so blessed. I have a beautiful home and family. I have phenomenal friends who lift me up when I am down (thank you to Bri and Jessica and Vicki). I may suffer trials and tribulations, but God will always always ALWAYS see me through and carry me when I cannot walk. So, I praise Him today and everyday. Thank you Lord for all my blessings and I beg forgiveness for my sins and shortcomings.

Just a little shout-out...I highly recommend Denise Jackson's book. It is so inspiring and not just another celebrity biography. Trust me, you will find it very uplifting.

1 comment:

  1. AWESOME...

    I wanted to say DITTO! and AMEN! after every sentence! I feel the same way, constantly! & God is the only one who can pull us through and give us the peace we need to handle whatever issue we face!

    I'm gonna have to get my hands on a copy of that book- it sounds great!

    Love you, Brooke!!!